she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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