i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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