I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
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