It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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