Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize