tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
