She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize