Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
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