Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
How's work?
Spinning.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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