Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Randomize
