His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
