Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
