I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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