I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
