i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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