You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
