He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
