His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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