cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize