This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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