Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
