I met the friendliest cop last night
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
