he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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