You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I need to stop coming to work sober
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
