I cannot find my penis.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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