Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Cover your peen. We're going out.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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