There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
