Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
