Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize