Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
