:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
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