why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
