Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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