My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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