I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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