you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
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