I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Please don't give away my fajitas
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
