i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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