You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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