I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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