he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
