The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
