batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
A bitchslap is in order.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize