I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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