I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
