you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Blood and glitter go together right?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize