get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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