I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
