and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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