He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
a search helicopter?!
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
