Joe is yelling at the trees again.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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