Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
