Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
