I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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