I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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