dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
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