I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
