Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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