How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
