I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
