Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize