so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
