Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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