The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
