Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
