So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
