please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
