I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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