i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
When are your genitals available?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
