He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
