so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize